Taking It Personally
Right now I’m reading a book by Holly Lisle about making a living as a writer. Obviously she speaks from the traditional publishing side of the pond, but I still like to hear what other people have to say about making a living as a novelist. Because it’s, quite frankly, a quirky (and wonderful) way to make a living. And it fascinates me that there is a whole group of people who make their living in this way… making shit up. Or… as Lawrence Block said: “Telling Lies For Fun and Profit”.
Oh… and let me digress for a minute before I get into this post… she starts out talking about how the chain bookstores only order what they sell, and an author’s sell-through percentage remains fairly constant, but bookstores don’t order based on sell-through percentage, but actual sales. So for example… if you have 70% sell through, and they originally order 10 books per store, then they will re-order 7 books per store, because of your sell through. But then, your sell-through stays at 70% and the next time instead of ordering 7 books per store, they order 5. And so on.
Basically she was explaining that this is one of the reasons authors on the midlist end up in a death spiral. That makes me wonder why anybody traditionally publishes. I mean, I always knew it was bad. I always knew that there were a million and one reasons contracts don’t get renewed and that it’s a lot of pressure to make those “numbers” when there is so much competition for people’s attention and money these days. And few authors are able to keep their entire backlist in print, which makes publishing a series an exercise in insanity. I just had no idea that the system of the big bookstore chains was pretty much BUILT to screw authors over. And I wonder why few people seem to be discussing this.
This makes it even more baffling to me why everybody isn’t self-publishing… why there is still a line to get into the gates of traditional publishing. It seems like a big ball of OMGWTFBBQ. And really, who needs that? To be clear, I don’t “hate” publishers or traditional publishing. I don’t hope it dies. (Actually I hope it survives and thrives, and I’ll talk about why maybe in another post.) But just going from the angle of “self-interest”, I truly don’t understand how traditional publishing is in the self-interest of most authors. Maybe it is. Maybe I just am not getting something. Maybe it’s over my head, but it confuses the hell out of me, to be honest.
So anyway, that was me digressing… but what I really wanted to talk about is taking reviews personally. A lot of professional writers, when giving advice to newer writers… and Ms. Lisle is no exception, talk about how you will take bad reviews personally and they will hurt your feelings and how those reviews hurt their feelings. And I’m just confused.
I wonder if this is something some pros tell newer writers so newer writers don’t feel so bad that they feel bad. I wonder how anyone can make it through this business without developing either a thicker skin or some level of apathy toward it all. I don’t recall a single negative review ever hurting my feelings. And I’m not saying that to sound “tough”. I just really don’t get it. I’ve never had a review make me cry.
Most of the time I don’t read reviews period, because they aren’t for me. Reviews are written by readers for readers, and sometimes I think when an author sticks their nose in and eavesdrops on readers’ thoughts, then maybe that’s just what they get. Not everything people say about your work behind your back (even if behind your back is publicly on an Amazon review) is going to be nice or something you particularly care to hear about. Nor is it something you are obligated to hear about.
But on the few times where I do get bored and read reviews, more likely than not, a negative review will merely annoy me. If it’s a fair-minded review, I’m pretty much neutral about it. That’s their opinion and that’s okay. Nobody likes everything. A lot of people don’t like that I don’t write more graphic sex in my books. Okie dokie. Go read someone who does.
Some people don’t like the temporary harem aspect of Save My Soul. I get that. That’s cool. Go read a different author if you don’t like it. People are all different. I don’t expect everybody to like everything I write. I hope to entertain the people my books are intended for. And if someone isn’t a part of my intended audience and they bitch and whine about it, well, that seems like more of a problem with them than with me or my writing. So, for that reason, I’ve never felt the need to cry about it.
The times when reviews annoy me are when it’s pretty clear the reader didn’t comprehend what they read because their review is saying stuff happened that didn’t even happen, or is attributing bizarre viewpoints to characters that just aren’t there, or in very rare cases, to me. A reviewer once decided that I personally, me, Zoe Winters, hate vegetarians and vegans and take “every possible opportunity” to take pot shots at them in my writing. (Actually, this was so bizarre it made me laugh. It was too weird to annoy me.)
It always baffles me the people who don’t know the difference in fiction and real life. When I’m writing, I’m writing from the POV of my characters. Some of my characters are hardcore carnivores. Some of them drink human blood. So among those particular species, yes… there is a general distaste for those among their species who behave like vegetarians/vegans. But *I* have no personal feelings one way or the other about vegetarians or vegans. Eat whatever the hell you want. What do I care?
So anyway… I’m digressing again… the point I’m *trying* to get to is… you really have to put up a wall. I understand that writers are supposed to be sensitive sorts and blah blah blah. And on some level, we are. I think it takes a certain level of sensitivity to be able to write about the human condition in a way anyone can relate to.
But I also think, that in order to do what we do, we have to put up whatever walls are necessary to keep doing what we’re doing. For me, the wall I have to put up is staying away from Internet debate because it drains my energy and ability to be creative… which is sort of bad for a writer of fiction. It also makes me literally loathe humanity, which isn’t a good place to be in if you’re writing anything but the most emo and wrist-slitting of genres.
Sometimes for me that wall means being careful about the line between fans and friends and not letting just anybody get too close to me, because I’ve been burned by people who have later just flipped out on me like a ninja for one bizarre reason or another. And that DOES hurt, because it’s someone who I thought liked me who was harboring all sorts of weirdass rage I didn’t know about until their switch got flipped and they hurled it all at me. So I’ve had to be careful in regards to that.
Sometimes it means just not reading reviews or any random commentary anyone has to say about me anywhere.
But really… if you take every review personally and every random thing someone says about you on the Internet personally, you’re going to have a hard road here. I can’t count the number of times people have taken me out of context or misquoted me. One person recently said that I preferred Lulu to CreateSpace, when really I prefer Lightning Source and would never work with Lulu. You just have to let this stuff roll off, because the more public your image/name becomes, the less control you have over what people say about you or your work. And you can’t be running all over the place putting out imaginary fires all the time.
Again, more of why I spend more time in the bat cave and on my own spaces. Call me wacky and insane, but I really just want to be around people who like me. If you don’t like me, go the fuck away. And it’s not that I have some type of mental condition. ALL human beings prefer to be around those who like them and just completely avoid those who do not. There is nothing wrong with that. I think for some reason we want to apply a whole new and bizarre way of feeling/thinking/behaving that doesn’t fit with human nature at all when we’re dealing with writers and other creative/public types.
I’m really not sure why we aren’t supposed to be human, but meh. And it *is* human to have feelings about stuff when people say something bad either about you or your work. That’s natural. But at the same time, I think it’s important to come to a point where you draw very clear lines over who you are giving your mental real estate to. Random strangers on the Internet do not DESERVE to rile you up. There should be an understanding that your husband or best friend or mother is a totally different class of person from some random boob on the Internet you don’t know and who doesn’t really know you.
Be good to your fans and roll your eyes at your haters. Because people who don’t like you do not deserve your time, energy, mental real estate, and certainly not your hurt feelings.
What a lovely piece you’ve written. So sensitive one can feel the cut of the knife. The thing about reviewers and critics – and I’ve been on both ends of the reviewing game – is that reviewers usually do what they should never do.
It is absolutely wrong to tell someone that they are wrong to like/dislike something.
You can never convince a reader that something is great if that reader doesn’t innately enjoy the effing experience of reading it.
And look at it this way. Let’s say there’s … 3 billion readers in the world. If 1/10 of 1% like you, you’re made.
keep fighting the good fight!
- H
*clap clap clap* I’m giving you a standing ovation right now.
I used to be a theater critic for a major daily newspaper in LA. My reviews were not personal, they were professional assessments of a play. I’ve also had my work critiqued and reviewed, and I recognize it’s just an opinion. Some I take, some I don’t. But I don’t take it personally.
I also really appreciate the recent posts you’ve had on how the internet can drain you of energy if you chase it around all day long. I get it. I started losing myself in that game, to the point that I was barely getting any writing done.
And what you said here…
“And that DOES hurt, because it’s someone who I thought liked me who was harboring all sorts of weirdass rage I didn’t know about until their switch got flipped and they hurled it all at me. ”
…Totally happened to me. I had a ‘friend’ flip out on me and it blew me away a bit. I had to really take a step back and assess who I let close to me, and I’ve since pulled back from the net a bit.
So I applaud you. I love your work. And I’m happy to just be a random commenter to your blog as I wait for your next book to come out!
Thanks, Hubert! And yeah, everybody’s different. I mean when you think about it, it’s just freaking weird to be hurt or bothered that some people don’t like your writing. Some people don’t like ANYTHING. There is no book that is universally beloved. Even things we all think everybody is supposed to like, there are people who loathe it. And that’s just the nature of diversity.
Thanks, Kimberly! It’s so easy to get sucked into the whole Internet drama cesspool. It’s surreal to step back and think: “Why do I even CARE what this random person thinks?” I think social networking is a big part of the problem, honestly. It creates all sorts of layers of false intimacy where people feel like they know people they don’t have the first clue about, and from that we get drama and WAY too much caring about random crap from random people.
I’m sorry you had a “friend” flip out on you. It really hurts. It’s happened to me a few times online, to the point where I no longer am surprised when it happens. I basically just delete/block them from my internet experience and move on.
Honestly, I think the whole thing is strange. I’ve gotten bad reviews (on my short stories, which are the only thing I have on the internet) and, at first, it hurt my feelings. Then I realized they just don’t like my genre and/or style and are entitled to their opinions. It’s really helped, and I’m glad someone else feels the same way.
Besides, you’re badass why wouldn’t anyone like you? Haha
Good points all. I’d read Holly’s explanation of the chain bookstores’ stocking regression some time last year and it was one of many pieces pushing me towards the indie route.
Reviews are tricky to deal with. As a reader, I look at them some of the time, especially if it’s a new writer. I’m more likely to be swayed by a review of a non-fiction book than one for a novel. And the sample is more likely to sway me than the reviews, in either case.
I suspect I will be wounded by reviews, but I’m not likely to get suicidal about it for more than a minute or two. I’ve always said that anyone who just says “That’s nice,” when they read my drafts, doesn’t get to read them again. I always figure if someone has a problem with a detail in the story, it’s something I should look into at the least. It’s just never easy to hear the hard stuff at the first.
Zoe, I always, always appreciate your honesty. This post really hits home for me on so many levels. First of all, I’ve always taken things personally no matter what part of my life they are coming from. Book feedback, be it in reviews or critiques, hasn’t been any different. Until now. This past year I’ve felt something inside of me dying, and it’s a good sort of death. I welcome it. I need apathy in some areas because I honestly freaking hate feeling resentment toward ANYONE for not liking my work. It’s wrong and stupid and a complete waste of emotional energy that should be going into my books instead.
Publishing, for me, has been an interesting road so far. I don’t know what’s better for me yet. Self-publishing or traditional. Right now it’s traditional because there were a lot of things I could deal with in self-publishing. However, as time goes by I may find that all switching around. Life may take me down paths I never even imagined.
Anyway, thank you for this post. It reaffirms my constant feeling that there are readers and haters, and while the haters might pose as our readers, they’ve never been any such thing.
**I meant “a lot of things I couldn’t deal with in self-publishing** Typos.
I’m still shaking my head in amazement over how bookstores order more books from the same author. That’s… stunning. Flabbergasting. Makes good business sense? I’m not sure. I don’t know enough about the bookselling industry.
As for the “taking it personally” part of your post, we’re on the same page. If someone doesn’t like what I wrote, they’re free to move along to something that tickles their fancy. Fine by me.
Great post, Zoe!
When I first published my book I automatically assumed not everyone was going to like it, and it wasn’t for everyone…because face it, no book is for everyone.
I totally agree with what you said about spending more time in online debates draining your creativity…I’ve been a victim of that myself.
Have you ever seen the show The Book Group? It’s about a group of Scots and 1 American who form a book group. Naturally, at least 2 of the people in the group are writers and their MSs are acted out as they write them (which is hysterical, BTW). Anyway in one episode, they decide to critique a certain banal mystery writer’s work, but they don’t know that he is hiding in the house listening to their discussion. Naturally, he feels they don’t understand his genius and he comes out to explain how wrong they all are. In other episodes, they all argue with each other trying to make each other understand why a book is or isn’t good. It just shows what a personal thing it is.
The show is funny, and somehow relevant. Writers write, readers read, and everyone has their own opinion. Some things resonate with 1 reader while they don’t with another. I’ll never understand authors who try to cajole, convince and push someone into understanding what they “meant” to do in a book. You either ‘did it’ for a reader or you didn’t. Some readers will get it while others won’t–and your harem example is a great one. You, as the author, did your ‘job’ in telling what happened and giving us an insight into why Anna did that. That sure doesn’t mean that every reader is going to get it.
It’s like explaining to someone why a joke is funny. If you have to do that…well…don’t.
You’re the one that’s helped me not to get upset over reviews. I used to have these yo yo feelings…4 or 5 star – on cloud 9, 1 or 2 star – down in the dumps. Back and forth, depending on what kind of reviews I got that day. Now I pay more attention to reviews from actual review sites, like the 4 star I got recently, and also the emails I get from readers asking if I’m going to do a series on a book they like. Amazon reviews? I just don’t care anymore. The reviews, one way or another, don’t really seem to affect sales that much. And as much as you want everyone to like your books, they aren’t going to. So you kind of have to focus on sales. Because when it comes right down to it, this is a business.
The older I get, the less I care what anyone says/feels about me (other than my beloveds). Hell, I have dear friends call me the weirdest, quirkiest person they’ve ever met and that phases me not in the least. Ergo, I sure as shit don’t worry about what “the others” have to say about me or my work. Some like me/it; some don’t. And the world goes ’round…
BTW: Like you told me about ears, blood is not a food group…:-))
Interesting. Hocking has been writing about similar issues of late, mainly about putting up a wall.
One way to look at it is like this: If you didn’t have a need to put up that wall, you wouldn’t be a success.
On the flip side, there are some I wish would put up a wall to save the rest of us from THEM. (cough, cough — Sheen — cough, cough)
Elisa, You said: “Besides, you’re badass why wouldn’t anyone like you? Haha”
I know, right?!?
That’s pretty much how I feel about the issue. 
Dafaolta, LOL @ a minute or two.
Michelle, You know… when I read your first post, my eyes read what you meant. LOL. I didn’t even realize you’d made the typo. And so true, not everybody who reads your book is a fan and I don’t think authors owe non-fans anything. What are they even doing here? That’s my attitude. If someone dislikes my work and keeps reading it, well, that’s fairly stupid. Or just someone who likes to rubberneck and mock. And I have no respect for such people. People who read things just to feel superior about it need to get a life or a hobby.
Nancy, nothing in how publishing is run makes much sense. There are no beta readers (in the sense of publishers having test audiences like they do for movies and such). There is the asinine bookstore returns system. There is just a lot of stuff I think doesn’t make sense.
Hey K, hope you’ve gotten to the other side. hehe. I find it very freeing to just let people be stupid. There is no obligation for me to argue/debate with people all day. I just don’t care what kind of goofy stuff they want to believe. Someone thinks self-pub authors aren’t “real authors”, fine, go ahead. Doesn’t stop me paying the bills.
keyboard hussy, I think you’ve nailed why I don’t get personally worked up about this stuff. It’s that whole “getting it” thing. There are different types of readers. Some people who don’t like your stuff don’t like it because it’s just not for them, and that’s fine. But most of the “insane” readers who dislike it in an “insane” way, do so because they just don’t “get it”. And those are definitely not the type of readers I want anyway. I want smart readers.
True, Lauralynn. I’ve seen a lot of books on Amazon with crappy reviews that sell like hotcakes and books with nothing but 5 star reviews that sell like crap. I can only conclude that a review on Amazon is not the primary thing that sells a book on Amazon.
Which, I actually think makes sense because so many reviewers on Amazon leave crazy spoiler reviews and so it’s like… you don’t know what kind of reviewer you’re dealing with and so if you don’t want a spoiler review that gives too much of the book away, you just check the sample, not the reviews. I only read Amazon reviews AFTER I’ve read a book. Because basically I don’t care what anybody else thinks about it until I know what *I* think about it. And I always sample before I buy.
@Rebecca, blood is a food group to vampires!
LOL Ty. Yeah, I’m sure Hocking has to put up a wall. She gets people talking crap about her all the time. But even lower down on the “Zoe Winters” level, I’ve really noticed in the past few months that I have to make certain shifts to not lose myself in other people’s opinions. Which is why I remain confused over the concept of a long-term professional still being bothered by bad reviews. There are so many different types of walls you have to start putting up as you start succeeding even a little. That it’s hard to imagine how someone goes decades in this business without those walls in place. And that’s not any kind of knock on the author. I think she rocks and I’m loving her series writing course. It’s super helpful. I just don’t understand taking the thoughts of complete strangers personally. I feel like a person can’t be free until they can learn to be judicious with who gets access to their feelings.
The poet John Berryman never read reviews. Never.
And yeah, you really need a thick skin. I developed a thick skin by taking some writing workshops. People really tear up works in those. If you took it personally, you’d be bringing a gun to the next class.
My odd thing is I’ve had many articles published in magazines, newspapers, and on the web, yet I can’t stand reading any of them. I hate it. I’ve tried, but I can’t do it. I always see something I wish I could change.
And I have never felt the least bit of a thrill seeing my name in print. I think I have an attitude of “Well, if they’re publishing me, how good can this publication be?” Heh.
The fun part of writing is imagining a story, sitting back and thinking about how something might work, how the story would unfurl. Actually writing it is a grind.
LMAO @ “Well, if they’re publishing me, how good can this publication be?” Awww!
I like the actual writing part. The hard part for me is STARTING the actual writing part. Like i will sometimes spend hours procrastinating and not opening the damn document… but once I open it and start typing the first few words, I’m fine. It’s fun. I like it!
Nothing to add here; you’ve said it all. Well done.
Thanks, Tracy
I had to speak out to someone who was taking every comment personally, including mine. haha. I used to be uber sensitive until I started running a Freecycle chapter.
I grew up a peacmaker, so I still want to make everyone happy. But I can’t, so screw everyone and I’ll be happy instead. I keep saying on my blog that I haven’t made it until I get some really good negative reviews. I’m still waiting for people to say “You suck Asrai”
LOLz
“If you don’t like me, go the fuck away.”
That is eloquently said and exactly how I feel! I am happiest hiding in my writing cave and ignoring people.
LOL.
As for bad reviews, I’m more leery of books with an abnormal amount of raves. They always make me think the author’s been padding. I’d prefer to see a mix, even with my own work, because honestly, not everybody is going to like it. Besides, it takes too much time to care lol and I’d much rather be writing.
Hey Eve, same here with regards to writing cave and ignoring people. I also agree that all 5-star reviews does tend to create a little suspicion. Yet, at the same time, I’m certainly not going to run around asking people to leave me lower star reviews if I happen to have “too many 5-stars.” Having all 5 stars doesn’t, of course, mean that everyone universally likes the book, only that of the people who felt passionately enough to review, only 5-star reviewers have thus-far left reviews.
Could they be family and friends padding the review count? Sure. But I’ve got 9 5 star reviews for Save My Soul on Amazon and nothing else… I didn’t ask or bribe anyone to review me. So sometimes an author can’t help their star rating, and I think it’s unfortunate that too many good reviews (whether or not the book is just that good), will cause many to be suspicious.